life is an STD

Will you lose him there on some gentle dawn? This boy is here and gone...

I need new icons. I dropped pretty much every community and most icon-related crap from my friends list when I redid my userinfo and whatnot, and I am completely out of touch. Someone give me some good icon-related journals/communities/whatever. I can't make my own, which saddens me, at least until Brendan eventually builds my super machine.

I had a lovely 24 hours with Brendan. We took him home a couple of hours ago, after stopping at Walmart where I got some much-needed new socks (pink, black, and grey), a cherry lollipop, and a late birthday card for rocketts_chica. (It's going out with tomorrow's mail from Brendan's house, hon -- should be there early next week sometime. Sorry it's late!) Anyway, other things that happened: weird movies and TV shows, yummy food, lots of cuddling, and I achieved Sexual Skill Level: Ninja.

I am sad that he's gone, as I am always sad when he leaves; the difference between being with him and then suddenly without him is profound. However, for once I do not have to wait another week or more to see him again. He's laid off from work for two weeks starting on Monday, which means I will see a good deal more of him over those two weeks than I usually do. Pugz & I are picking him up after his doctor's appointment on Monday, and we're spending Monday night having a romantic, just-the-two-of-us night at a hotel, then he's crashing here on Tuesday night (I think we are also going out with our friend John the 80s stallion that night, because he's moving to Georgia next week). Then Brendan is crashing here again Friday night, and we might go out with Justin (who I haven't seen in YEARS, but we started talking again on Facebook a few months ago). I don't know about the following week, but I will hopefully see Brendan a bunch then, too. We are working on getting a place together, which we hope will happen by the beginning of next year. I can't fucking wait.

We've only been together for a few months (four months on Thursday, to be exact), but because we've known each other for well over ten years and have always secretly carried a torch for one another, we skipped a lot of the getting-to-know-you stuff and our relationship was fairly serious from the gate. I really believe he is The One, that mythical and elusive Good Guy that you only hear about. I know we all feel that way and say these things in the beginning, but this time I truly believe it. We couldn't be more perfect for each other. I am wildly in love with this brilliant, perfect man.

Not a whole lot else to report. I should go do my housework (the kitchen is a DISASTER since I didn't do it last night, and I have to finish my laundry and bring theirs upstairs), but I am sucked into the internet and listening to music. It will get done; it always does.

I guess that's about it for now.
  • Current Music
    Smashing Pumpkins - Daphne Descends
me - lips

You can't teach a dog to that. You can only train elephants.

I need to get new icons. Maybe tomorrow I will actually think of that before I start getting sleepy.

I just added a bunch of Monkees songs to my Grooveshark playlist. I am somehow unsurprised by the fact that I can still sing along with all of them... particularly "Gonna Buy Me A Dog".

I can't wait until tomorrow night (well, really, tonight). Pugzley and I are picking Brendan up from work and he's crashing here. Much cuddling and sex. I desperately long for both. I cannot even begin to express how deeply I love this man.

I still need to straighten up the kitchen, which I should do before I completely lose all motivation. It's not too bad today, though, since they went out to dinner.

I really don't have much to say, and I'm too tired to make this interesting or even terribly cohesive.

More tomorrow.
  • Current Music
    The Monkees - Gonna Buy Me A Dog


I thought by this age, I'd stop being nocturnal, but... obviously not. I shall blame this on Brendan, even though his work schedule is only sort of to blame. Really, though, I love late nights and very early mornings, downstairs by myself, just me and my music (and talking to Brendan, until he goes to bed, which he just did a few minutes ago). I am sipping coffee with caramel creamer (coffee does nothing to me; compare this to my caffeine hypersensitivity from years ago, which was probably largely in my head) and unwinding before bed, which will happen probably sometime in the next hour or so.

It was a good night. I had an AWESOME chat with rocketts_chica and Brendan on Facebook. It means the world to me that they get along so well, and for that matter, that all of my girls seem to approve of him. Perhaps this is because he's not an egotistical asshole who mistreats me. Who knew?

I don't have anything else I must get done before bed. I unloaded the dishwasher, did the dishes, and cleaned the counters in the kitchen, which I do pretty much every night because that way, it doesn't get ridiculously out of control and take me forever to do. I don't mind it; it's become a routine. They don't really ask much of me; I'll help however I can.

...and then I go all ADD and switch over to Grooveshark to add shit to my playlist, and like the emotionally masochistic asshole that I am, I somehow start thinking about the two horribly depressing Frank Sinatra Christmas songs that I memorized courtesy of my father, and of course I have to hear them, and now I am a fucking mess. Why do I do this?

Controlled pain, that's why. Controlled pain.

But then I switch over to "That's Life" and I just think I should be drunk. So I'm good. I am an emotional trainwreck; this has not changed. It is both distressing and comforting.

I am no less ridiculous than I was years ago, but I have changed in other, hopefully better ways.

I need new icons.

I also need to shut up, for now.
  • Current Music
    Frank Sinatra - New York, New York
bam - seriously going to die

(no subject)

Holy fuck, I'm cold. Well, my hands and feet are freezing, anyway. I put on an extra pair of socks and am contemplating doing dishes just to have hot water running on my hands.

Today was... just another day, really. Nothing terribly exciting happened, but nor did anything bad, so that's all right then. I'm sort of restless and bored now, though... 4:20am, everyone in the house is asleep (even the dog). Brendan went to bed a little while ago. Now I am just listening to emotionally questionable music and reading ancient LJ entries.

rocketts_chica and I are working on getting our once ridiculously close friendship back on track. We're also attempting to write again, but that is mostly just silly and amusing. Brendan and I are working on making it possible for us to go out there to visit her, which would be fucking awesome. It has been WAY too long since I've seen her.

My fingers are so cold that it is actually difficult to type. It seems like only ten minutes ago that I was bitching about how I was too hot, and wanted the summer to end.

So. I guess I am going to go clean the kitchen, because in this house, I am the Middle of the Night Kitchen Cleaning Fairy. Also, it will make me less freezing.
  • Current Music
    Aerosmith - Angel
fear the pussy!

(no subject)


I didn't get to sleep until after 9am. I was in a dead sleep in my room, until the child came FLYING in, no knock or anything, to inform me that Miranda was going to PT and needed me to come down here. Now, I do not mind that she needed me to come downstairs (to keep an eye on the child and the dog). They're doing me a favor by allowing me to stay here, and I'm here to help.

But for the love of fuck, kid, LEARN HOW TO KNOCK.
  • Current Music
    Maroon 5 - Wake Up Call
i am desire

Okay, so I am going to resurrect my journal. I mean it this time.

I just redid my userinfo and deleted a ton of defunct journals & communities. I considered just making an entirely new journal, but I have had this forever, so I'm going to just breathe new life into it.

I need to know who's still paying attention to my journal (or LJ in general), because eventually I will be doing some serious trimming of my friends list. I haven't talked to most of you in a million years, and honestly don't even remember who everyone is. And I want my journal to be as blunt and detailed as it once was, but in order to feel comfortable with that, I need to feel comfortable with who's able to view it.

I am not going to try to sum up the last several years. It's too much, and a lot of it is painful. I will still answer questions and tell people what they want to know, but this journal is starting in the present.

Right now I am living in Northampton with Pugzley (Matt), Miranda, Miranda's daughter, and their dog. She recently had surgery, so I came to help during her recovery. I will be here, probably, until sometime in November. Not 100% sure where I will end up next...

...but it will hopefully be with Brendan. He used to be mentioned often in my journal. We lost contact for a long time, but found each other in May, and finally ended up together, like it was always meant to be. I have never been happier. I mean it this time.

I am not going to attempt to make this entry terribly long; it's late, and I have a boyfriend to call before he goes to sleep. But comment! Let me know who you are, and what's up!

Hopefully I can stick to this shit this time.
  • Current Music
    Angels & Airwaves - Breathe
fear the pussy!

Call the clouds, and listen closely -- I'm lost without you

Watching James be all domesticated and waiting for my love to arrive. Today started out shitty because I barely slept and I am bleeding like a stuck pig, but things seem to be turning around. I have no idea what's on the agenda for tonight, but I believe it will involve stand-up comedy and snuggling, and I am totally fine with that. My social butterfly days are dead and in the ground.

I am really going to make an effort to update this thing regularly. While part of me regrets the fact that the last several years aren't meticulously documented like my LJ years were, the rest of me knows that's really probably for the best. I really want to reconnect with you guys. Thanks to those who are already making an effort to make that possible. I really do love & miss you guys terribly. :)

So who wants to turn off the lights and have an orgy? ;)
  • Current Mood
    optimistic optimistic
fear the pussy!

I knew the moment had arrived for killing the past and coming back to life...

It's going to be a while before I actually can string enough thoughts & phrases together to explain even a FRACTION of the last several years; for now let's just be glad I'm in a position in my life where updating my LJ can once again be a priority and a regular occurrence.

Currently living in Bethlehem with James and his girl. Love it here.

Madly in love for the first time in too long; his name is Brendan (if you've read my journal from WAY back in the day, you've seen him mentioned repeatedly -- we have a... unique history) and he is fucking perfect. Happiness is very unfamiliar; I think I like it. Todd and I haven't even laid eyes on each other in well over three years; he's a good dad to our son, which is the only reason I haven't had him seriously injured or killed, even though I could probably arrange it without much effort. Or remorse, for that matter.

So, people -- if you're out there talk to me.

I really need to update my userinfo, but that seems too daunting a task at the moment; I'm not even fully conscious yet. Macaroni & cheese and a Newport -- breakfast of champions.
  • Current Mood
    content content
fear the pussy!

And if I show you my dark side, will you still hold me tonight?

I will try to remember to update this thing when the opportunity presents itself.

Life is weird right now, but not exactly bad and definitely heading in the direction of better. I am attempting to reconnect with only a very small portion of the group I was once very close to and it's quite strange, but surprisingly successful. I do not want to lose these people again.

There is so fucking much that happened in the YEARS I was away from here; whether or not those stories eventually get told here remains to be seen. I am nothing like the Kat I used to be, or at least that's how it seems to me.

Who's still around? Edit: I realize I asked that in my last entry. Oops. Feel free to answer again.